We need to talk, I have been your spirit animal for 40 years. I was here for your first steps, on your first day of school, when you graduated high school, when you got married, when you gave birth, when you got divorced. Even when you turned 40 and the world refused to end, I was here.
I have been here through all your musing about what it would be like if there was a zombie apocalypse, through all the ups and downs the world has had to offer us. My point is I’m part of you now. What affects you affects me in very profound ways.
Let’s discuss this shall we? In the past few weeks you’ve started working on changing your diet. Carbs… which, we both know, I love are out the door along with sodas and sugar and everything that tastes good. This was an issue but you’ve promised that this “lifestyle” is going to be “good” for us. I think you should know that I believe you need an intervention.
Let me list the reasons why you need an intervention:
A box of pasta is $1.00, a half pound of hamburger is $3.00, a jar of Ragu is $1.99. If you are feeling a little fancy you can get a loaf of garlic bread for $1.00. That is a meal! It’s more than that it’s a meal and two lunches you have a small family and what does it cost? $6.99. You have a very small family.
That box of pasta, jar of sauce whatever is actually two separate meals so it’s really like $3.50 a meal. Cheap right? Your new diet is far from cheap. I know, I know, you say your health is worth the expense. I get that but really, think about how much you make per hour and compare it to what you are spending in food. It does not make financial sense for you to spend this much money on groceries. Just a thought you should take into account. Let’s move on.
Misery Does NOT Love Company
About 90% of the time you don’t like the food you are eating. In fact you only ate one meal that you actually enjoyed. The rest you have either forced yourself to eat or you take a few bites and shake your head no and try to feed it to the dog. Ya know what? The dog won’t eat it either.
No matter what you do it Cauliflower is not rice. Cauliflower is not mashed potatoes. Cauliflower is cauliflower and you do not enjoy the taste of cooked cauliflower. I’ve seen what you’re doing. Most meals you make them, taste them and then eat a can of green beans because it sucked on a scale of suckage that you have never imagined before. You keep telling me it’s trial and error to get yourself to a point where you have a viable menu. In the meantime, we’re suffering. We are really suffering here.
Pooty Tooty NOT Fresh and Fruity!
Speaking of suffering. Sweetheart, you might want to sit down for this one. Are you ready? Do you want to hold my hand before we discuss this? Okay, here we go. You stink. You poot, toot, blatantly fart, whatever you want to call it all the time. Without much control of your ability to hold in the tooty poots either.
At work you have done the weird clenched cheeks stumble run to the bathroom, walk in freezer or cooler, or out the door as quickly as you can to release the beastly poot. In the car the vibration just works them out on their own… if other people are in the car the windows go down and they gag out the window.
All you say “Cauliflower farts man… my bad.” You fart when you walk which gives you the crying tears laughter. Which makes you fart more and good lord… you start snorting! Cause you laugh like that for some reason. Honey, you tooty poot all the time. They stink so bad the dog will run from you.
Not only do you fart all the time, your constipated. When it’s bad… your mood plummets to just plain mean! The people around us are suffering from those moods. More fiber should mean a healthy flow and yet. It’s not. I think you need to see a doctor.
I’m concerned about you. I’m concerned for me. Please understand that these are valid concerns for you. I love you dearly and I want to stay your spirit animal.
Notes From Beck
I wrote this snarky letter to myself to bring up topics that are actual concerns that I have about my new diet with a humorous twist. I think these concerns are relatable and often under discussed on other sites or diet plans. Everyone is quick to tell you what to do, nobody is quick to tell you the side effects of this lifestyle change.
It is expensive to eat healthy. It so much more money than I should be spending on food with my level of hourly pay. That’s a huge concern to me. There is a real chance that the low carb lifestyle may not be financially viable for me over the long run. Unless there is a sudden down turn on fresh, healthy food costs, I do not see low carb will be an option that is financially open to me. Carbs are filling and cheap. That’s just fact. It is so much cheaper to have a horrible diet. That’s a concern that is in my mind always.
I really have not enjoyed the foods I’ve tried. I have liked one. I’m trying to continue to try more recipes that I find online to build between 7 and 14 dishes that I can mix and match. The problem with low carb and keto cooking is that they want to use avocados or avocado oil. Both of which will kill me. I’m allergic to avocados.
No matter how much butter, salt, cream… stuff you add to mashed cauliflower it doesn’t taste like mashed potatoes. Worse than that, they don’t taste good to me. They taste like cooked cauliflower. Same with the riced cauliflower… it is not rice. It’s cooked cauliflower. It tastes like cooked cauliflower and I don’t like cooked cauliflower. I’m trying.
Like I said, I found one dish. It’s disheartening to not enjoy your dinner. I’m still looking. I know that this is a trial and error thing. No one’s taste buds are the same as another person’s are. Everything with a change in diet it’s going to take time to find the things you like.
Digestive issues are coming up. I’m not sure if this is damage I’ve done to myself with the past eating disorders that I’ve battled or if it’s just normal for this switch in diet. What I know for sure from visits with my doctor is it happens to everyone who’s changing diets. Especially if they aren’t used to the foods they are eating. (See me raising my hand high here)
It happens yet nobody brings it up? Why not? Why are we hiding our tooty poots? That doesn’t make any sense at all. This happens! You should know that there are effects before you take the plunge into low carb. All diets have issues. You should always speak to your doctor before you make a move.
Are you having issues on your diet? Do you have concerns?
That’s it for now.
Until next time take care of yourself as well as others,
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This article has 22 Comments
This was a very interesting article to read. Dieting is not easy and trying to be healthy can be very expensive. I know when I started eating more healthily I found it really difficult because I just didn’t like the food, but over time I got more used to the taste of it. Healthy food just tastes different, but you can adjust. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Celeste, How long did it take you to get used to food you don’t like? Thanks for sharing part of your journey with me! I appreciate it. Beck
I love this article, it is very entertaining it seems as if the writer knows a lot about me. But I don’t believe people have animal spirit or animal companion whichever way it is. I believe in logic and people do things because they want to not because they were attached to something. Thank you for this article once again it was quite amusing.
Oloyede, I’m the writer. I don’t actually believe in spirit animals either. Sloth is just me talking to myself and making hard things to discuss easier for me to post about. I’m glad you were amused and related to it. Have a beautiful day. Beck.
Nice article with a humors twist Sorry to say i have never tried to change my diet. I have firm belief all thing are good if properly moderated. That goes with meals as well i feel you on the cauliflower. Not my first choice either if I’m eating it it gonna be a casserole.
I don’t have a high opinion of diets.
Have alway heard that high fiber helps with being constipated. But at the same time most people i know that have high fiber diets are constipated more often than people that are eat so much fiber.
Hi Terry, Thanks for your feedback! This is the first diet I’ve ever tried. It’s trial. And it’s trying my patience sometimes. Thank you for coming along with me on my journey.
I think your feeling better because of eating healthier its well worth the money. With the illness went through this summer I have had to eat a lot healthier. I admit it isn’t easy to do but I feel a hundred percent better. And I have found ways to make eating healthier not so expensive which is the best part of it all. Thanks for the post it gets you thinking in the right direction!
Cory, Thanks for sharing a portion of your journey! I appreciate it! Have a beautiful day! Beck
I loved the letter from your spirit animal- very unique! I also loved your honesty about what you have experienced in your new low carb, high veggie content diet. I have recently embarked on this same type of diet and have found that I have to take digestive enzymes with my meals. I actually take one pill before each meal and sometimes I also take Beano with it (especially for cabbage, onions or any “rougher” veggie). I used to think probiotics took care of all that, but they don’t. I need help “higher up” in my digestive system. Anyway, I hope you and I both find more palatable foods in our new journey. Thanks for the great article!
Oh Suzanne! Thanks so much for the well wishes! I’m going to try the digestive enzyme and see if that helps! It takes time to get used to any changes. I’m sure those of who are working on it know the trials and tribulations of trying new things. I often feel like a two year old crying because I don’t want something in my mouth. LOL! Hopefully I find some more yummy ideas for dinner. Talk again soon, Beck
Once again The Sloth has covered serious and important topics with tremendous humor, and I love it! But this article also really makes me sad because I can SOOO relate to how damn EXPENSIVE it is to try to eat healthy! It is disgusting that this is so, but costs alone have derailed my efforts so many times in my life that I know-know-know the struggle is real. As real as the farts, in fact. I am fortunate, though, that I love healthy foods, though cauliflower doesn’t top my list (please don’t let cauliflower be your downfall!). The truth is, we’re just “conditioned” to think we Must Have Carb Side Dishes, so we use things that don’t taste at all like rice or pasta and try to make rice and pasta out of them. Then we are disappointed when we hate the way they taste. And the texture is usually pretty lame, too. My solution has been to focus on a protein I like, and make it as delicious as I possibly can. Then I add a veggie or two that I totally love. And that’s a meal that, even if my digestive track has to adjust to it still, my taste buds can cope with quite happily. I hope you will find something like this that works for you. If for nothing else, to help quiet that sloth down. 😉
Hi Cheri, Cost is a real factor for working people. You’ve given me an idea for topics in the future! Thanks for your feedback and support! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Beck PS, the Sloth says Hi! 🙂
HI! Very interesting article. I never read an article that tells you the other side of losing weight or planning a weight loss diet. Very funny though. Especially the farting part. It really made me smile today.
Very nice article because you have informed us the downside of weight loss diet. I agree with you that having a low carb diet is very expensive. But is there any low carb diet that is inexpensive to all people? And some low carb food that can be tasty for me?
Emman, I’m new to the low carb world. I don’t have those answers yet. I will be researching options and recipes in the future. Hopefully, I’ll have better answers to your questions in a future post. I’m sorry. Beck
Your letter is Hilarious!! Lol I do agree, eating heatlthy is very expensive, only me and my husband we spend about $100 a week on groceries. That doesn’t even count the eating out and drinking out. I also tried the cauliflower recipe, tried the pizza crust, fried rice, mashed. Mashed is the worst one so far, it stinks and it is mushy in a way that it doesn’t bind together, it looks like grits instead of a mashed cauliflower. The only way that I actually like cauliflower is to fry it like a Tempura but then there goes my diet lol Now, I just buy what I will eat with in 2 days. I pick whole foods and make my portion smaller. Thank god that I live in the city, my trip to the store is very convenient.
Have you tried the shirataki noodles? They have lots of finer and low to no calories. I use them when I crave pasta, it doesn’t taste the same but I like it give it a try. You can find them at the vegan refigerated section.
Hang in there, there is always a way to cut cost for your food spending and staying healthy at the same time.
Nuttanee, I haven’t tried the shirataki noodles yet. I have it on my list to try. Thanks for the feedback. Trust me the Sloth will post after trying them. Talk to you soon, Beck
Nowadays, more and more people are struggling to eat healthy (including myself) because of all the junk foods, which, I must admit, are too yummy to let go of. Although I always keep forcing myself to stay away from unhealthy food for just one week, I always end up having cheat days during the week although I know I’m only allowed to have a cheat day on sundays. It’s just all the stress with my exams at University and somehow it seems like nothing else, aside from eating, can calm me down. On a stressful day, my cravings can get really bad. Then I keep telling myself that the next day, I will have to eat healthy again. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I really want to have more control over my eating habits but I haven’t figured out yet what else I could do when I’m stressed out. Do you have any tips on how to handle this issue? Thanks in advance!
Ruya! Yes, I do have a single tip for you about the control over the eating habit. It is really simple, talk to yourself. Ask yourself why are you eating right now. Are you eating because you are hungry? Bored? Stressed out? Is there a reason other than the need to eat to keep your body moving that you are eating. If the answer is another reason than hunger, don’t eat. If it’s stress, take a break from what you are doing. Any kind of break. Go take a shower. Stretch. Meditate. Whatever you need to do to lower the stress and then go back to the activity. If you think it might be boredom, find something to do. When in doubt drink a glass of water and come back to the question in 10 minutes. I’m not sure if this works for everyone, it works for me. That’s the tip I have. I really hope it helps. Beck
I am right there with you. As a mom, cooking for a family of four is very expensive. Unfortunately, healthy eating is expensive and many of us can’t afford it on a constant basis. Even if we could, like you said a lot of things that are healthy for you don’t necessarily taste good.
Fruits and vegetables may not break the bank if you plan on only eating one type of fruit and one type of vegetable but the goal of healthy eating is variety. Different fruits and vegetables contain different vitamins and minerals.
Unfortunately I can walk into a Mc Donalds and buy two dollar menu burgers but if I want a salad that’s gonna set me back about $12 smh, it’s no wonder there are so many unhealthy people walking around and don’t even get me started on the cost of healthcare.
Hi Margarette, I know it’s tough and it’s upsetting when the cost is just not in your budget. I’m hoping to have some sort of answers on that soon. Until then, stick with the healthy with me. We can do this! Beck
This article is different with interesting story of our idleness, carelessness and our seriousness. I do believe that we are not looking after our health and fitness, eating habit and balance diet properly some time. We are not concern about digesting capacity and healthy food item sometime. As a result, we suffer from fat, weight and unfitness issues. I have found resourceful information about rules, discipline and natural healthy food advice like a doctor’s prescription. Thank you for sharing this information with us.
You are very welcome. Thanks for reading and the feedback. Have a great day! Beck