Change Your Mindset
Did you know...that changing your mindset can help you to accomplish all kinds of things in life? It can help you to be happier with what you have right now, it can help you to go after the right goals and ambitions and it can help you to be more successful in your career.
Not only that, it can also change your love life and help you to be more effective in going after what you want! Keep reading and I'll explain how a simple mindset shift changes everything in this sense.
By focusing on what we've always done or what we've always known, we produce the same results that we've always gotten. But if we were happy with that, then we wouldn't be here looking for a different way to pick someone up at the bar, would we? Changing your mindset allows you to look at things from a different perspective and see different ways of doing things to reach the goals you're after.
Are You Frozen by Fear?
Let's face it, many people feel a fair amount of fear when thinking about approaching members of the opposite sex in a bar...or anywhere really. You might find yourself thinking that you'll get rejected and completely humiliated and that will damage your self esteem.
While it is quite common to have this fear, it is highly unnecessary and serves no purpose. The same can be said for being afraid of the dark or afraid of heights or any other fear for that matter. Fear does nothing productive for us.
The first trick to resolving this fear, or any other, is to acknowledge it. If you simply understand that it's a fear that's holding you back and knowing the nature of that fear will give you the opportunity you need to undo it. Understand, that fear is simply a negative emotion attached to a perceived belief. For example, fearing the dark is essentially being scared because bad things happen in the dark. Well, bad things happen in the light also...whether you can see them or not. Demote the power of your fears by accepting them for what they are, simply a negative state of mind.
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The easiest way to get past your fears is to take away their power. In this case, we'll undo the fear by removing the risk.
Mitigating Risk in a Dating Scenario
Now that you know you have this fear of rejection, you can simply change your strategy to mitigate the risk and put yourself in with a better chance of success.
In this case, you mitigate the risk by removing the opportunity for them to turn you down or greatly reducing the chances. There's a very simple way to do that, test the waters from a distance before your plan your approach. Look around the bar and make eye contact with people. If you see someone you're interested in approaching, and they make eye contact with you, just smile and nod casually as if to say hello. Hold their gaze for just a moment. If they look away or don't look pleased, write them off, they're most likely not interested.
However, if they smile back and look happy, you can make the assumption that they're at least somewhat interested - or at least somewhat open to the prospect of you approaching them at the very least. There's nothing at all wrong with making a new friend, even if it doesn't turn into romance, right?
So if it seems like they're at least somewhat open, just approach their group with your group and address the entire group casually. Crack a joke or something to break the ice. Personally, I like to show off my sarcasm. For example, if they're group is being quiet and not a lot of people are talking, I would approach and say something like, "Jeez Guys, could you be any louder? We can't hear ourselves think!" On the contrary, if they're group is being loud, I would approach with a grin and either join in as if I was supposed to be there or go over and say, "Listen, you guys are having way too much fun over here so we're crashing this party!"
However you do it, pay attention to how they act within their group. They've already given you some attention by looking you in the eye and smiling or whatever they did that got you this far. By joining their group, they should pay just a little more attention to you, if not a lot, because now you've sparked their curiosity. Who is this person that is brave enough to approach my group and join us? Not a lot of people are brave enough to do that! If you've made it this far, chances are you've earned a little respect.
If you're still interested in this person after seeing them interact with you in their group of people, quietly ask them if they'd like a drink before heading up to the bar for your own. While you're getting up, just quietly ask, "Can I get you a drink?" Or maybe ask them to dance with you. The point is, you're essentially taking baby steps to gauge their interest level before giving them any opportunity to reject you.
By asking if you can get them a drink, if they say no, they're not rejecting you at all. Maybe they're just not thirsty. But they'll appreciate the fact that you asked and may even offer to get YOU a drink!
Until next time, take care and hug your loved ones,